


The Kingdom of Denmark is Run by a Gay Stoner's Father but It Sounds Like the Author is on Crack by Fall Out Boy

by ilikeituptheass



Category: Hamlet - Shakespeare
Genre: 20g of weed in a day, Being bottom-shamed by your step father, F/F, M/M, Mommy Kink, Sugar Mommy, The queen of Denmark talks like a surfer bro, Weed, so much weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 10:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14975120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilikeituptheass/pseuds/ilikeituptheass
Summary: My annual I-don't-feel-like-doing-my-school-work crackfic.Hamlet and Horatio are major stoners and also boyfriends. Claudius is a bitch and bottom shamer. Ophelia wants to fuck Gertrude, Gertrude thinks that's pretty gnarly.





	The Kingdom of Denmark is Run by a Gay Stoner's Father but It Sounds Like the Author is on Crack by Fall Out Boy

Hamlet glanced up at Horatio, his lashes fluttering lightly as bright crystal eyes peered up, “Hey babe.”  
Horatio smiles as the smoke from his joint filters from his mouth, “Hello my sweet prince,” he reaches down to caress Hamlet’s hair and twists it in his fingertips for a moment.  
“You’re awake,” a light smile brushes over his face.  
“Yeah,” Hamlet says, stretching his back and sitting up, next to Horatio, giving him a quick peck on the cheek, “And you’re high.”  
“Mm yeah, love that phat weed.” Hamlet giggles and pushes Horatio teasingly, hugging him and taking a drag.  
“Of course, but you love me more,” Hamlet bats his eyes and looks at Horatio, awaiting an answer.  
“Hmm,” he plucks the joint from Hamlet’s hands and blows smoke into his face much to his dismay, “Maybe.”

As Hamlet and Horatio cuddled and giggled and smoked 20 grams of kush, Claudius was grumbling around his kitchen scaring the maids from making their gourmet weed brownies.  
“Hmph, you cook with weed like that?” Nose upturned and dick upturned he stormed off.  
“Cooking with that pathetic shit? In my fucking home? In my fucking kingdom? Uh nah you trick ass bitches I think the fuck not.”  
He continued grumbling along his hallways until he walked past his now son’s bedroom, the distinct smell of a 6am blunt permeating the hallway. Was it that hard to open a window?  
Huffing, he opened the door prepared to yell, however, the sight he was met with was less than expected. Hamlet, gettin’ rawed.  
“You’re a fucking bottom!! How dare you? My son! A bottom! Thank fuck you are not my actual son! Disgusting!” Outraged, he screamed at Hamlet, steam seeming to rise from his ears.  
Both Hamlet and Horatio, looked up at him and an overbearing silence befell them.  
Horatio was confused, his cock painfully hard and also in his boyfriend whilst he stared at his theoretical father-in-law, was the first to break the silence, “Uhm, we’re busy?”  
Claudius turned to leave, however turned back to glare as Hamlet muttered, “Uh okay… rude. This is bottom shaming.”  
“I can’t believe this isn’t a tops-only family.”  
He huffed again and left to go back to the kitchen to yell at the slutty cooks desperately fucking and cooking marijuana and upon the occasion dropping acid and consequently creating the most fantastic of dishes. 

In another distant room of the castle, Ophelia glances to her left, pricking her finger on her needle as she tries to embroider some titties, as she admires someone else’s titties. God, she wanted a sugar mommy, this sugar mommy in particular.  
“Oh Ophelia, that’s totally not tubular,” Gertrude holds Ophelia hands and licks the blood off of her finger. She bites her lip, Ophelia tries to breath steadily as she comes, god Hamlet’s mum was so fucking hot.  
“Did you just come?” Gertrude asks rather pointedly, Ophelia blushes and nods shyly. Was it that obvious.  
“Brah, that's epic, I bet I can make you come fifteen more times!” Gertrude says excitedly, removing her shirt and pants, moving towards Ophelia to do the same to her.  
The resounding effect sounded quite something like “oh, ahh, oh mommy, mommy please, fuck me fuck me fuck me, ahhhhaa” and the likes for quite a few hours. 

A screaming began around midday, not so loud, but quite high pitched. The screaming began to get louder and louder and in concern Hamlet and Horatio dropped their respective joints and glanced at each other, picking up a shirt as they ran out of their room to check out the commotion.  
Despite how undeniably wet and as far as Gertrude was concerned, totally gnarly, Ophelia’s pussy was, the screaming only got louder and it was decided after Ophelia came for the thirty-second time that they should find out what was going on.  
As everyone ran down, they found the screaming to be coming from the kitchen, all confused, relatively naked and respectively high and horny, they all stumbled in.  
What they found, much to everyone’s dismay was more or less the King of Denmark with a Pringles® can in his ass.  
“And you tried to fucking bottom shame me!” Hamlet screamed throwing his hands in the air, offended beyond words can explain, leaving in a huff, grabbing Horatio by the dick and dragging him out with him.  
Ophelia just stared, wordless, as the king’s wife also stared, incredibly confused.  
“Why?”  
He didn’t answer, he only screamed.  
Rather annoyed that her fucking session had been disturbed Gertrude, put her hands on her hips and exclaimed, “Not my problem then!”  
“Maid! Yes, you! The one in the blue blouse with a dick in your mouth, get over here! Get some butter and get it out of him.”  
Slightly tipsy and drooling the maid grabbed the butter with a distasteful expression and began to slather it on Claudius’s ass.  
Satisfied with her efforts, Gertrude left and Ophelia followed, smiling knowing she was about to get her pussy ate. 

Left behind with a ruptured and butter covered asshole, The King of Denmark whimpered on his kitchen floor nibbling on a sad weed brownie, rueing the day he ever decided to marry into this godforsaken family.


End file.
